I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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