I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
