I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
