you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
