In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
