so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
