I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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