Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
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Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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