pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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