God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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