This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize