I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
