I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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