I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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