She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
