Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
