So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
