just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
