Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
