Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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