What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
