last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
