I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
