oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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