I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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