i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It was confusing and full of hummus
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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