update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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