i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
