dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
