wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
