id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
