He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
