Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didn't notice because vodka
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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