just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And then my night got REAL pukey
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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