I can text with my tongue
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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