were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
