don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
