Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
