I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
