you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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