Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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