My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
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Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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