Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
