i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
