Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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