She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
