I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
