You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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