your thong is hanging out like whoa
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
