Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
