Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
