Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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