I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
