Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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