pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
