i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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