Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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