Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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